Unrelated Things Part 1

I haven't been blogging lately. I think blogging everyday was becoming a burdon for me. Today, however, I have two completely unrelated things I want to get off my chest.

First and foremost, today would be my friend Carly's 21st birthday. Unfortunately, she celebrating in heaven without us. As I recognize this day, I find myself falling right back into a deep sadness. Though I try and act like everything is okay, in all reality I am still broken because of this tragedy. I can't understand how someone so beautiful, so talented, so loving, so loved, so nice, so strong in faith, and so perfect in my eyes could be in so much pain to take her own life. I sit here and think how I have none of that. I'm nothing in comparison to Carly, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't stay here. Why can I? What am I doing here!? Why can't I be a better person like Carly? I miss her so much. Her death, while many great things have been done in here name, continues to hurt me. In some respects, it helps me to remember her, but I need some form of closure with her.

Writing this, confessing this, and overall realizing this has been the hardest thing I've done in awhile. I haven't cried like I've cried while writing this is for too long. I do have something more to talk about, but at this time, I need to take a break. I will attempt to write about that second thing tomorrow.

Love you Carly!!

Internet Sabbatical

Pardon my absence yesterday; I was on a bit on an internet sabbatical. I realized that too often I find myself just sitting on my laptop reading my friends blogs, looking at wedding blogs, or of course online shopping (more like online wishing). So yesterday I did not open my laptop once. I did make a twitter update via my phone yesterday as I felt it was much needed.

I'm really glad I did this though. I spent a lot of time reading (shocker!) instead. I ran errands with both my roommates and ended up spending money on things I don't necessarily need (classic. I'm a recovering shopaholic.  :) Don't hate) But beyond that, I found ways to use my time more productively. Heck, I even cleaned my room!

This weekend, as the 4th of July approaches, I can't guarantee a daily blog post. I'll be spending some much needed time with my cousin and her family; I cannot wait! I love them all. I'll be heading over there sometime today, maximizing my time with them. :) Have a great long weekend